


Anxious

by bo_beans



Category: overwatch
Genre: Falling In Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sad but nice ending, Secret Crush, brief mention of Angela Ziegler, fluff mostly, kinda all over the place, kinda indulgent, mentions of anxiety and depression, shy reader, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 06:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13875180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bo_beans/pseuds/bo_beans
Summary: You doing your damndest to get close to the guy you like, but boy is that hard when you don’t know what to say and how to act. (Lucky for you he feels the same)





	Anxious

       If you were pressed, you’d admit that you might have a bit of a crush on him. He was strong, confident, and incredible at his job. Not to mention that he was easy on the eyes... And, on the few nights you stayed up late, wandering around the base, you always caught a glimpse of him in the dining commons, sipping his tea in the dark. You admired him, even if the most you had said to each other was a brief “hi” or “good job” after a mission. But he was oddly charming, with his infrequent smiles, those loud, barking laughs, and those quick quips that cut like a knife at anyone’s over inflated ego. You adored it, but how could you admit a crush on someone you barely knew? And for sure he was uninterested in you beyond a friend, you couldn’t imagine anything else, beyond your daydreams.

      You were difficult for Hanzo to grasp. You were outgoing, you laughed until your eyes crinkled and your stomach hurt, and you smiled at everyone, no matter who. You were a ray of sunshine at the Watchpoint, always giving compliments and making people laugh. But, sometimes you let out a prolonged sigh and your eyes stopped crinkling in that way that was so enticing and it felt like you had slipped out of the persona that everyone knew. Hanzo didn’t know what to do. He wanted so badly to get to know you, what it was that made you so upset and far away. -

       You were seated across from Hanzo at the next meeting, trying to focus on the presentation Winston was giving, but it was so hard to do when you kept noticing Hanzo’s eyes “”discreetly”” flicking back and forth from you to the screen. At one point it was just too hard to resist teasing him a little so you turned to face him and stared right at him. As soon as he stopped and looked right at you, you smiled and flashed him a wink. He faltered for a few seconds before a small blush crossed over his face. That was a reaction you hadn’t seen before. The rest of the meeting passed in boring fashion, but your mind kept wandering back to earlier. You wondered what got him so interested earlier.

       In the next days you felt as if you were seeing Hanzo everywhere. Everywhere you went, you saw a glimpse of him. He would be in the dining hall not too long after you, and you’d never seen him frequent it that often, except when everyone was gone. Or at the training room, where you’d heard he only went in the early mornings. But he was at both, but you just shrugged it off. You were no person to judge. Plus, if he was starting to interact with others more, good on him! But it made you kind of giddy in a weird way. You got to see him more and more often, and you were working out how to approach him without annoying him.

       “Hey, Hanzo, how’s it going?” you asked, sliding into the seat across from him at dinner. (This was currently the best way you could think of).

       He looked up from his dinner at you. He didn’t seem too annoyed, so you took that as a good sign. Finally, he huffed out a, “It’s been okay, so far.”

       That was an even better sign. “So far? What have you been doing so far?”

       “Training, meditation, and now, eating. Though this food is horrid.”

       “I’d have to disagree. I quite like how it’s slightly burnt yet also undercooked at the same time,” you joked, laughing a little. You looked over at him fast enough to catch a little bit of a smile, and you felt yourself fall deeper in love. You passed the rest of dinner chatting over unimportant things, but you both just couldn’t stop. It felt so natural to talk to each other, you’d joke, he’d laugh a little more each time, and you’d feel your face heat up a little each time you saw his smile. It was a natural chain of events you kept repeating over and over again and you felt like you could do it all night. But you felt the time affect your body when it was getting close to midnight, and you knew then you had to sleep or you’d pass out at the table.

       “Hanzo, I’d love to go on, but I really will pass out here if I don’t go... And then you’d have to drag me back to my room,” you yawned, stretching a little in your seat. “But I’ll see you at breakfast, right?”

       Hanzo nodded, feeling a tightness in his chest for having to watch you go. He wouldn’t mind carrying you to your room... But he couldn’t keep you from your sleep. So he just nodded and let you walk off, telling himself he’d have to go to breakfast to see your smile again. -

       Hanzo was there at breakfast, but you were nowhere to be found. He panicked a little, waiting around in the dining commons for a couple minutes, thinking you’d walk in any second, and when you didn’t, he hurriedly walked to you room, knocking on the door with as much contained nervousness as possible. You were sleeping soundly when you heard the knocks. And you groaned, looking at the clock and realizing you’d slept in too long. You immediately got up, flinging the door open to a semi-frantic Hanzo. He looked relieved as soon as he saw you, until he noticed your unkempt bed head and your pajamas and then he blushed again.

       “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up... I was just worried, since you had said to meet for breakfast,” he stated, seeming very embarrassed and trying to look anywhere but you.

       “No problem. I guess I just forgot to set my alarm last night!” You kinda liked seeing Hanzo squirm a little, but you would never admit it...

       “(Y/n), maybe you should put on some clothes...”

       You looked down and blushed furiously. Right, you looked like a mess right now. In front of Hanzo.

       “Yeah, let me go do that and then we’ll head over for breakfast.” -

       Things were good for a while like that. You looked forward to hanging out with Hanzo, and life seemed a little easier for a while. But it only took a little to spoil it all, and nothing could stop that mood from taking over your entire life for as long as it wanted to. And this time it hit you like a ton of bricks. No one knew about your depression or anxiety besides Angela because she was your part-time therapist, and that’s how you wanted it to be. You didn’t want to worry anyone else with how you were doing constantly, and you were also kind of embarrassed that your feelings were so out of control. So when it hit you, you just told everyone you were sick, or that you felt sore from a mission, or any excuse you could come up with and you repeated “I’m okay” like a mantra to everyone who asked. Hanzo didn’t buy it. And ever since you holed yourself up in your room, claiming you were “sick” the other day, his concern had been growing. He had been missing you at meals and the training room, and the pit in his stomach sank a little lower when he watched the door and you never walked through. He had to see you... He got up, making his way through the hallway to your door.

       “(Y/n)!” he called, knocking on the door. “(Y/n). Are you in there? Are you okay?”

       “I’m fine!” you called back, doing your best to keep your voice from shaking too much. That was the tenth time you had said that today.

       “Don’t worry! I ate...”

       “(Y/n).... Please... I want to see you...”

        You didn’t want him to. You knew your eyes were red and snot was slowly dripping from your nose. But you also couldn’t stand him waiting outside your door forever. And his begging voice was just so soft...

       “The door’s unlocked...” you called, your voice barely carrying through. He walked through, and immediately crossed the room to you, sitting down on your bed, his eyes soft and shining in the dim light.

       “(Y/n). Please. Tell me what’s wrong. I’ll listen to anything you have to say.” Your heart felt like it skipped a beat, but you remained quiet. It was so hard to voice everything that you felt. And it felt so stupid to tell him. You worried about such stupid things, he’d probably ridicule you, you thought.

       “I will listen to anything... Nothing’s stupid, if it is what you’re feeling. This is important,” Hanzo whispered, gently taking your hand in his, rubbing small circles into your palm, waiting for your answer.

       “It’s... It’s so much, Hanzo... I feel so lonely. I-I know that’s stupid...” you sobbed, squeezing his hand a little.

       “Shhhh... It’s not, (y/n). It’s not.”

       “A-and sometimes I feel so insignificant. Like no one likes me. No one loves me. And I hate myself for this! I hate feeling this way! But I can’t stop it. And it hurts so much. I just want to be happy, and it’s so hard to smile sometimes. Why do I have to live like this?”

       Hanzo sat on silence for a while, taking in your words, still rubbing those small circles in your palms. It was soothing to have a steady rhythm while you talked.

       “Well... I love you, (y/n). And people do like you. I know we don’t always show it in such a way you can see, but we do care so much about you,” he said, bringing a hand up to cup your cheek. He smiled, and it reflected on your face. He then noticed the small stream of snot from your nose and let out a small chuckle, wiping it away with a tissue.

       “Everything about you is loved by me.”

       “Hanzo...”

       “Yes?”

       You moved closer to him a little, squeezing his hand before bringing it to your lips, placing a small kiss on the back. Hanzo blushed slightly, before gently tugging your hand towards his own mouth and planting a small kiss on it as well, mirroring your actions. You moved on to his neck next, kissing just below his jawline. Then you moved up to his cheek, then the corner of his lips. He mirrored them all the same on your body, taking his time with each kiss, brushing his lips on your skin and relishing the small shivers that went through your body. And then he reached the corner of your lips. They were dried but soft, and he couldn’t help from diving in for a soft kiss. You immediately reciprocated, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer, drinking in the attention and the love. But it wasn’t enough. You pulled away slowly to a small whine from Hanzo. You giggled a little, wiping away the last of a few tears before climbing into his lap, straddling him.

       “What was that you said to me earlier?” you asked in a hushed tone, threading your fingers through his hair.

       “I love you,” he responded. And he meant it with every fiber of his being. In that moment you were the only thing in the world and he was going to do anything for you.

       “I love you, too,” you murmured, watching as Hanzo planted another kiss on your collarbone. Love felt too simple a word for what you felt at that moment, but for now, it was the best word you could think of.


End file.
